The prisoner who knew himself too well...

I've always wanted to serve on ajury but was often not chosen because I was a reporter. For some reason, the attornies found it amusing that I was actually there and one judge asked me to leave. I argued with the judge that it was my constitutional right to serve on a jury but it was my beat and I wasn't chosen.

A few years ago, I received a jury summons and was so excited. I'm in a different profession and no one could ask me to leave. They told us there were several cases, including a murder case. I was pumped. And I was chosen.

Then the bad news came. I wasn't on the murder case. I was serving on a jury for a trial that was much more desturbing. I refer to this as The Trial of the Masturbating Inmate." Yes, I was serving on this jury. And in case you don't know it's against an Alabama prison code for inmates to know themselves this well.

We viewed tapes, heard other inmates testify that they witnessed him doing this quite often, and to top it off, the inmate represented himself. It was his right to do so. I listened to him butcher the English language and try to convince us the reason he was arrested for this offense was because the guards didn't like him.

What actually came out was that he had a thing for one of the guards and was caught making himself happy in the storage room. He was supposed to be helping stock supplies in there when he caught sight of this guard and was caught "in the act." I promise this is public knowledge, and if you wish, you can read the court records. My name will be listed as a juror. I'm so proud.

After sitting through the testimony and the evidence all day I was ready to stand up and scream, "They all do it. He was just stupid enough to get caught!" In the end, he was guilty, and I was released from the agony of hearing about his personal activity.

When I hear of other trials in the news, this often pops in my head and I start laughing. I'm one who will always be in favor of the justice system regardless of the outcome and definitely believe in constitutional rights. This is not the trial I would have chosen to serve on but as time has passed I'm okay with that. After all, I learned all about a prison code I knew nothing about, and life is all about learning. Right?