Looking for an apartment and planning for a divorce sale

By now pretty much everyone knows I'm getting a divorce. I decided it's time to be a big girl and look at apartments in which Lauren and I can live together without pulling our hair out. We will be condencing our belongings from a house to fit into a two-bedroom apartment. We are going to have to share a smaller space with two-dogs and definitely can't share a bathroom.

So off I went. I looked at several and didn't run away screaming or have an anxiety attack. This is a good thing. But as I toured I knew more than ever some of our things have to go.

One townhouse I really liked but several red flags went up:
Flag 1: If I want to know if there is trouble there I need to ask Montgomery Police, and she suggested that I drive through at different times of day and evening to see who is "about."

Flag 2: "We accept all people who qualify."

I'll stop there. As we were leaving the townhouse she said, "You movin out of a house?" I said, "Yes." "Well now, you won't ever geeah all you stuff in one of these."

I said, "I know. I'm going to have a divorce sale." She put her hands on her hips and said, "You jokin,right." (I promise this wasn't a ghetto area of Montgomery) I nodded no. She said, "Sheat, you gots to let me know when cause my whole family loads up on Satdays and we yard sale."

She started bobbing her head and said, "Bet you got some good sheat. You got nice clothes don't you?" I said, "I'll have some but my daughter's friend is going through them first. She said, "Hell no, that's not fair." I said, "She's my daughter's best friend and I promised her she could." "Uhuh, I still say it's not righa," she said.

I promised I'd call and remind her when I was having it. I walked away thinking, "Why do I keep running into these people." I felt like I stepped back into one of my Tuesdays.

Needless to say we will not be living there. I do have standards after all, and I absolutely refuse to talk ghetto at work and at home. I did find one apartment that I really liked so it was not a lost cause.

I will keep searching and will eventually find a new home for us. This weekend I'll be going through more things and will put aside more items for my divorce sale. I will probably call ghetto girl and remind her of my divorce sale. I may even serve refreshments and this might actually lead to a good time. I say come on down but come knowing I've got some good "sheat." I foresee another blog in my future.

Another crazy Tuesday

It's Tuesday and once again I had a crazy day. I feel it's my duty to share some of the craziness with you; I want you to feel included. Early this morning I was in a store in Opelika. I was was near the window and a man ran into the store toward me yelling, "Rhonda? Rhonda?"

He then looked at me and said, "Thank God, you're not her. Don't get me wrong she was a pretty girl like you." I think he has cataracts because no one has called me a girl in YEARS! Then I caught the past tense and said, "Was?" He said, "Yes, she's my neice and died three years ago. I thought you were her ghost." I just responded with, "No I"m real."

After listening to him for a few minutes, I continued walking through the store talking an order. He followed me and told me all about his neice. Finally he left and ran back inside and said, "I hope my sister don't come in here and see you cause she'll flip out."

I said, well you might want to tell her not to stop in here on Tuesday mornings from about 8 to 9 because I defintely don't want her flipping out on me."

He just said, "Yeah, that's a good idea and left." I wanted to tell him I think you've flipped out enough for us all.

A few months ago, in another store someone asked me if I sang in churches. After I told him no, he said, "A lady who looks just like you sang at my church Sunday and it was beautiful." I just said, "If I sang believe me you'd never forget it." That is a true statement because I can't carry a tune in a bucket.

I've always heard that we all have a twin, but I must be blessed with several because I get those comments alot. I Don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I think about what if someone commits a crime and I get arrested for it. Could I prove it wasn't me?

I guess if that happens I'll write my blog from prison, but if I see a ghost there, I'm going to break out. I'll be running for my life yelling, "Rhonda, go to Opelika!"

Speaking Ghetto

It was a pretty typical Tuesday for me. Two of my stops are in what I call Ghetto Lanett. I went in the first store and listened to owners argue in their Indian language about what cigarettes to order. Then their clerk, Tajuanita said, "Gurh, get over here. I've got to akst you about conty music. I need to know the name of a song cuz I wants to download it. It has to do with drinking to this, that and the other."

I said, "Sorry but I don't know that song but most country songs are about drinking."She said, "Gurh, you white. I know you know all about conty."
I gave up and went to the restroom. I was peeing when she stuck her head in the door and excitedly yelled, "Mz. Donna, come quick, that song is on the radio." I said, "Give me a minute." She yelled, "No it'll be gone. Now!"

So I wiped myself, pulled up my pants and went out. After listening, I told her it seemed like the name would be, "Drink to it and it sounded like Blake Shelton." She said, "That white one on The Voice? You mean he's hot and can actually sing?" I said, "Yes," She said with her hand on her hip, "I want me some of that." I said, "Only after I get mine," and turned toward to the restroom to wash my hands.

I went o to the second store, and as soon as I hit the door, Layla said,"Mz. Donna, I need your help." I go behind the counter and asked what she needed. She said, "You know conty music? Cuz Tajuanita keeps calling me aksting me about a drinkin' song. I'm ghetto, and gurh, I don't know conty music."

I said, "Don't worry about it, we figured it out."
She said, "Good, cuz I don't know that s***, and I'm tired of that gurh calling me."

As a customer walked up to the counter (definitely was an out-of-towner), she said, "Order me some Petunias." I said, "Okay, do you want full flavor or menthol?" The man said, "Do you sell cigarettes or flowers?" Layla held up a pack said, "Cigarettes... fool. These!" The man said,"Those are Fortunas not Petunias." Layla with head rotating said. "Petunias ... Foruntas, who gives a f***? Mz. Donna knows what I want."

I said, "Do you need cindarellas?" The man said, "Cindarellas?" I said, "It's cigarillos." He asked,"Did you have to take a class to speak ghetto?" I said, "No, it's on the job training." He said, "I don't think I have the patience for your job." I said, "Probably not."

Lanett is ghetto but I don't mind going there. I've never felt threatened or scared except ... a few weeks ago when one store was roped off because her daughter's boyfriend shot at her, and at the other store, one of the owners threatened to get his gun because he was mad at a customer.

Ah, Tuesday ... can't wait until next week.