Should I be a tree?

I have a job that takes me into the public daily and "allows" me to be around all types of people. I've had the following subject on my mind for a few weeks but decided I should keep my huge mouth shut until things died down.

One of the people I'm "allowed" to deal with is in Auburn and prides himself on being, "the biggest asshole in Auburn." His words not mine. I really find a great deal of humor in him. Last week, he asked if I knew the man who poisoned the tree at Toomer's Corner. I told him no, and he proceeded to tell me that the man was "one of my people." I told him I didn't know the man and that he wasn't "my people." He told me yes he is because he's an Alabama fan. This was a new realization to me. Am I responsible for the behavior of all Alabama fans? No.

This week, the same person accused me of paying this man to poison the tree. I laughed and told him I had better things to do with my money. I know what this person is about and that he was trying to get the best of me. He didn't.

However, he is not the only Auburnite who isn't thinking rationally about this. I understand it was an old tree, and it's a tradition to roll it. I'm sorry and hopefully it'll be okay. But stop and think about the hell this tree has been through. Drunken people have pissed on it, and I won't even get into other things that might happened on and/or around this tree. I also think it's been insulted by all the toilet paper it has endured.

I mean what does this tell the tree about it's worth? ... Oh, that's right, it's not a person so it doesn't have feelings ... unless it's poisoned. Joking Auburnites, I hope you get to keep up your tradition. I get a big kick out of seeing the toilet paper flowing in the wind as I drive by. And I do realize that all Auburn fans are not like this person I'm "allowed" to deal with.

What I'm trying to say is you can't judge all Alabama fans by one man who obviously has problems. Do you Auburnites want me to judge you by the proclaimed asshold in Auburn? I think not.

(segway) This brings me back to my job and the people I'm "allowed" to be around. Today, I was in a store in Montgomery, and a lady who came in became very irate with the manager. All I could think was I hope she doesn't have a gun because I really don't want to die counting candy bars, chips and cookies for credits. I think I'd rather be a tree ... Barbara Walters, come on down.